If only I wasn’t afraid
If I was perfect in every sense
If I could delete it and start it all over again
If I were braver, wiser or nicer
If my heart beats ran slower
If peace were all around
If I could feel it inside all the time
If I could be just an observer
If I spent more time playing with my son
If I did not sit so many hours in front of this divine worldwide device
If I was healthier, ate less and better
If I drank less coffee and smoked not
If I was stricter and committed myself to a tough discipline for life
If I had the perfect age (which one is a good one?)
If I had the perfect weight (how many is enough?)
If I was stronger, if I didn’t give a damn
If I could control these panic attacks
And instead feel total calmness and indifference.
If John, Mark, or Jack, or Paul
Had kneeled before me
Or if I hadn’t left Mr Big
If I had caught them by the balls- as Eve suggests…
Or maybe that’s exactly what I did!
If the future did not make me blind
If the past had been as I had dreamt
If only I enjoyed this present to the utmost
Well, then what? That wouldn’t be me.
Anyway if all that happened or had happened
still I would be, have and feel exactly the same;
Would have made exactly the same mistakes.
So I’d better take it and not leave it ; instead, stick a bit more to it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I was perfect in every sense
If I could delete it and start it all over again
If I were braver, wiser or nicer
If my heart beats ran slower
If peace were all around
If I could feel it inside all the time
If I could be just an observer
If I spent more time playing with my son
If I did not sit so many hours in front of this divine worldwide device
If I was healthier, ate less and better
If I drank less coffee and smoked not
If I was stricter and committed myself to a tough discipline for life
If I had the perfect age (which one is a good one?)
If I had the perfect weight (how many is enough?)
If I was stronger, if I didn’t give a damn
If I could control these panic attacks
And instead feel total calmness and indifference.
If John, Mark, or Jack, or Paul
Had kneeled before me
Or if I hadn’t left Mr Big
If I had caught them by the balls- as Eve suggests…
Or maybe that’s exactly what I did!
If the future did not make me blind
If the past had been as I had dreamt
If only I enjoyed this present to the utmost
Well, then what? That wouldn’t be me.
Anyway if all that happened or had happened
still I would be, have and feel exactly the same;
Would have made exactly the same mistakes.
So I’d better take it and not leave it ; instead, stick a bit more to it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
© Dulce Rosales.....................................Paintining by Pauline Adair
9 comments:
mmmm, i've asked those questions too and come to pretty much the same realisation. would i do things differently? probably not...
neither would I... after so many years lots could be changed and has, but not enough, it's never enough.
dulce, i came across your blog thru eve. and i must say, i loved ur poetry!!!! my favorites now!!! :)
neha
Thank you so much Neha, I am delighted with your comment and really happy you like my words :-)
Will you follow me? I have not access to your blog (?????)
of course i ll. my blog is iammature.blogspot.com
neha
If every second I could feel to alive...
If at every moment I could feel the beat of the world...
If every day I could flow with the wind...
If with each step I would do all the way...
If in each inspiration I could breathe to all...
Then I could to say that I am living.
Your "ifs" are my "ifs" too. Sometimes I think a lot about those issues - age, weight, height, blonde or brunette, men, things I do that are wrong to my health... You are right, though, that wouldn't be me. Brilliant poetry and statement of life.
"if i had" should be replaced by "i have".. and that will transform the world..
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