I've experienced and suffered panic attacks for the last eleven years... This is how you might feel when despair, panic and fright come to you- without previus notice. Life has been BEFORE and AFTER, ever since the first one...
I am just waiting on a friend
Revolving around scarce ideas.
Revolting.
Is it I’ve run out of them?
Frightening me
By the conviction
I’ve been let down.
Why her mobile gives no answer?
She forgot our appointment...
She's done some of the like
But never such…
Forty-five minutes!
Starting to sweat.
Beginning to fear.
Need to leave this place.
Escape from here-
from myself.
Hurting feet
Bloody new shoes
Back burning by unsettling Sun,
Sorry Love,
Your companion is not welcome today.
Walk and walk...
I do hate these crowds
Do not let me breathe properly.
About to faint I am.
God,
help me.
Give me time to get to an ambulance
No…
I cannot die for this
It’s not the first time...
But it’s so hot!
Too many people,
All unknown
No taxis, no police officers
If I found one, what could I say?
Don’t be ridiculous!
Keep on walking
Breathe in, breathe out...
You are safe, you are safe.
C'mon, you are safe.
Sweetheart, please!
I can't!
I look into a bar
There you are- by chance?
Never mind
This time you’ve bailed me out, man.
So much lost energy
An hour to come back from hell.
This will take...
Maybe a couple beers
Will help
Get me out of here
From myself
And then...
When will it return?
Any one of these days...
Revolving around scarce ideas.
Revolting.
Is it I’ve run out of them?
Frightening me
By the conviction
I’ve been let down.
Why her mobile gives no answer?
She forgot our appointment...
She's done some of the like
But never such…
Forty-five minutes!
Starting to sweat.
Beginning to fear.
Need to leave this place.
Escape from here-
from myself.
Hurting feet
Bloody new shoes
Back burning by unsettling Sun,
Sorry Love,
Your companion is not welcome today.
Walk and walk...
I do hate these crowds
Do not let me breathe properly.
About to faint I am.
God,
help me.
Give me time to get to an ambulance
No…
I cannot die for this
It’s not the first time...
But it’s so hot!
Too many people,
All unknown
No taxis, no police officers
If I found one, what could I say?
Don’t be ridiculous!
Keep on walking
Breathe in, breathe out...
You are safe, you are safe.
C'mon, you are safe.
Sweetheart, please!
I can't!
I look into a bar
There you are- by chance?
Never mind
This time you’ve bailed me out, man.
So much lost energy
An hour to come back from hell.
This will take...
Maybe a couple beers
Will help
Get me out of here
From myself
And then...
When will it return?
Any one of these days...
_________________________________________________________________
17 comments:
Beautifully written! I suffer from what is called panic attacks...Mine dont come when they should, mine are sparatic (sp?) I can just get up too fast and there goes my heart flittering...
ouch! thankfully this has happened maybe once or twice only to me, but you've conveyed the feeling perfectly!
thank you for taking me somewhere i've never been -- and hopefully never will.
very well done!
This happened to me one time only, while auditioning for the Denver Symphony in 1977. WOW! But girl, the way you totally so well describe Panic--it tells you have been there--many times.
Dulce, you still write as well or better than ever! I had to drop by.
Take care!
Hey! I´ve been there! recently... so i know about that kind of panic attacks!
After a while, remembering them can even make you laugh. :) nice one Dulce!
I can only imagine what the suffocating horror of a panic attack is like, your poem conveys this claustrophobia to me. Amazingly well written, Dulce.
Logras transmitir con la letra esa sensación de angustia.. un abrazo
Wow! It has never happened to me, but I think you've just have made me feel it while reading your description. In fact, once I saw my wife suffering from a panic attack, and I could noticed how hard is it!
U always amaze me.
Hugs.
Toni
Very powerful piece on a very difficult painful disorder...thank you for sharing this and your courage.
xo Gabi
As I read it once and again... it makes me cry... because that it is it,NO WAY OUT!
Jstar,
Is it so common to you, you just mention they happen once and then? As if it was not really SO serious? Are you sure those ar e PANIC attacks? Please tell me more... I need to share experiences on this issue. :)
Dear Sam,
thank you so much for understanding through my poem words... not easy to express this way-- you know? :)
Shadow dear,
Lucky you, for having a limited number on the experiience...
Jessie,
You lucky woman... do not need to go there... I really hope yu do not. keep away fromm overstress- just in case.
Steve,
so sweet...How nice ...am honored by your dropping by... it almost makes me cry (must be my period!-LOL)Lucky you- yyou only had the awful experience once... well at least you can get to understand...
Love ya!
bananii,
I am sorry you've been there and hope it does not get back... as Steve or Shadow have said. In my case, it seems to be chronic! So ...
BEker:
gracias, cariño :)
Toni
take care of your wife... just in case... You're so sweet my dear!
Gabi!
So long a time.. oh-We've lost contact for a while.. I feel so honored you've come by today. Thank you for this so meaningful comment
hugs!
You have expressed perfectly things I have felt many times in the past, and unfortunately am currently feeling. I think mine are triggered by not being able to control what is happening in my life. The feelings are quite paralyzing, and although right now things are worse than they have ever been for me, I do feel that I will find a way out. I don't know how, I don't know when, but I know there is a way out.
Dulce, panic attacks are no easy thing. I worked with people who suffered from panic attacks when I was doing my internship for my masters. It's a sad experience, and the saddest thing is that one never knows when the panic will hit. It just strikes at the strangest moments. Your words convey the feeling exactly, though I've only experienced it by hearing about it. Still, I can imagine that this is how it feels... trying to find a way out, but unable. Take care, Sweetest. And try to take deep breaths every once in a while...
Hugs,
Nevine
very complex and wonderful. I love the sense of urgency.
Wow...as someone who has suffered with panic attacks for a very long time, I can honestly say that you really captured the emotion here. The movement of this poem, the way the words roll out, go just as far towards evoking the feelings as the actual meaning of the words. Very moving.
I wish peace for you...it is a horrible thing to live with, I know it.
http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/04/sunshine-brightens-ones-day-award-and.html
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Thank you for so vividly and honestly sharing your feelings of what must be a very scary place.
I think on some level, even if we are fortunate enough not to experience panic attacks, that many experience these feelings...of being scared, feeling hopeless and powerless.
It seems that with panic attacks, the actual fear of them create more fear.
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