On The Run

The roads were always there
For you to be walked.
The guitar was always there for you to be played.
Those piles of books
You could’ve read.

Instead you took the shortcuts
You sang out of tune
You read the summaries.

Was it that nobody ever dare love me?
Was it that I felt I wasn’t loved?
But in fact I was?
Was it that my mother had too much
To do- to share and did not really care?
Why did she take me to all those doctors
Instead , why didn’t she look at me,
observed and see
all she had to do
Hug me
Kiss me and give me the protection I had not?
Should I blame that woman
Who I've always adored?
Was it that I was born out of time
At the wrong time
What was it that kept me weeping all day long?

What a life for a child.

And what came next...

The teenager, what a mess
And the idiots all about the place
Was it me
Or was it them- then?
Was I too mature
Or too innocent
Perhaps too dependant?

I remember being laughed at
That you can never forget
So many things to regret
Poor girl
All that suffering you did not deserve

Your body was always there to be loved
Your chances were always there to be taken
That music, you heard,
Thank your dear brother

Instead you hated it, too fat, too ugly, too long
You did not make up your mind
But were led with the current of the others

I’ve got some music and I listen
And while I do
And do this fast flashback of my weird life
I feel so sorry for the lost opportunities
For the wasted time
For my laziness
Lack of energy
Lack of love-in and out
Lack of ‘Come honey, you are safe with me’

Instead, the world is against me, so
I will be no less
What a shame, a pity, a loss
Nothing will be back, nothing I’d change
Maybe I would, you know now you can’t...

So what the hell, to hell, forgive them, and yourself
It’s all over, time is now.
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